


And So It Goes

by ThunderDownOnGreenside



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Coping, Inspired by Music, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Matsuoka Rin/Mikoshiba Seijuurou, One-Sided Tachibana Makoto/Nanase Haruka, Revelations, Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1562597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderDownOnGreenside/pseuds/ThunderDownOnGreenside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I would choose to be with you – that’s if the choice were mine to make – but you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So It Goes

**Author's Note:**

> RinHaru, one-sided MakoHaru and MikoRin because I’m a goddamned masochist. "And So It Goes" is a gorgeous song by Billy Joel, although Marianas Trench has also covered it and they did a wonderful job as well.

 

_And every time I’ve held a rose,_

 

_It seems I’ve only felt the thorns_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He came to his senses when Rin returned. 

 

 

It was strange, actually, how quickly everything just shut down the second he turned his back on them, flicking his cap in Haruka’s direction and completely dismissing the other two. Nagisa was just a cloud of air, briefly irritating before passing through, and Makoto wasn’t much better, if not a little quieter. Still, the distaste had been evident in his eyes when he’d looked at them. He’d changed.

 

 

And he’d planned on taking Haru with him.

 

 

Now, almost a year later, the rude stranger they’d seen in the abandoned swim club is nowhere to be found, replaced by a much more compatible and familiar face. Rin is different now too, in a better way, but not in the way that Makoto had actually expected.

 

 

Somehow, through all of this, he’d still gotten Haru.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They say it takes a lot more muscles to frown than to smile, but Makoto is pretty sure that holding a frozen happy face is much harder than any of that, number of muscles be damned. It doesn’t really matter though; as long as everyone else is smiling too. 

 

 

Haruka and Rin are sitting together on the couch, closer than Makoto’s ever seen his best friend get with anybody, cuddled right up against the red-haired swimmer with his hands resting comfortably in his lap. Rin has an arm thrown around Haru’s shoulders, and he’s laughing at something that Rei just said to Nagisa, the sound easy rather than forced, delighted rather than deranged. Makoto chuckles along with him too, just to keep up appearances. It’ll be a lot easier this way, he reminds himself.

 

 

He tries not to be too obvious about it when Rin twists a little to give Haru a peck on the cheek.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s times like these where he wonders if he’s the only one in a position like this. He’s never paid much attention to the pair of them in practice before – for obvious reasons – but lately he’s begun to notice odd behaviorisms in other people when Rin and Haru interact on the non-platonic level. Not anything bad, because honestly, no one within a ten mile radius hadn’t seen it coming, but more like how he imagined himself in his weaker moments. The wistful gazes, the pained expressions as you look away, the forced smiles and cracking voices when the lump suddenly appears in your throat.

 

 

Makoto is well-versed in reading the signs of hiding something, and the fact that Seijuurou is basically an open book doesn’t make his work any more difficult. The captain is persistent in his own right, always giving Rin more than enough space and pushing him just hard enough so that things seem normal, but Makoto knows exactly what’s going on. The type of hidden smiles when a joke is shared, the brand of frustration when Rin won’t listen, the kind of worry on his face when the younger male is beating himself up about everything – those are the kinds of things that give every last bit of it away.

 

 

He asks Seijuurou about it once after a particularly charged practice. The other captain glances in the couple’s direction, watching the way that Rin tucks some of Haru’s hair behind his ear, then just shakes his head and puts a hand on Makoto’s shoulder, a resigned smile on his face. He knows.

 

 

They both do.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Haruka still spends time with him, of course. They’re best friends for a multitude of very good reasons, and when he’s got nothing better to do, Makoto is still his first choice. They walk to school together, do homework together, spend time with the rest of the Tachibana family; it’s almost like nothing has changed except for the fact that Haruka actually uses his phone now and that he always has something to do on Saturday nights. He never really specifies exactly what he’s doing, but Makoto knows. Isn’t it obvious? And truly, he doesn’t mind.

 

 

Rei and Nagisa pick up on the scheduled dating idea, starting a tradition for their own relationship. They pick Friday evenings after school, leaving Haruka and Makoto with the walk home to themselves, and truly that’s kind of funny because Haru seems pretty relieved about it. He confesses that it’s nice to have this time alone with him, and Makoto appreciates the sentiment. He knows that he has nothing to worry about; no matter how close Rin and Haru get or how much time they end up spending together.

 

 

They were friends before they even dreamed of this life; it’s going to take a lot more than a relationship to change that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seijuurou finds out the hard way that things weren’t always what they seemed to be before the relationship started.

 

 

Makoto first hears about it secondhand from Nitori, of all people, who had happened to be around when the incident had occurred. The second-year hadn’t exactly intended to take advantage of the younger’s nature, so to speak, but if there was a way to get all the information out of him, he used it.

 

 

And really, he never expected to hear what Nitori tells him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s not to say that Rin and Haruka go without their fights. Really, the redhead is a burning ball of constant stress and the other really isn’t the most skilled at soothing it. Sometimes, their competitions get a little too fierce and someone – usually Makoto – has to intervene, depending on how intense it starts to get. Haruka always tries to allay his boyfriend’s attitude, purposely backing off and never intentionally provoking him, but sometimes Rin is just wound up too tightly and can’t handle it.

 

 

Rather than actually fighting him, however, the redhead just tends to push himself way too hard, slamming through his strokes and never stopping unless someone makes him with physical force.

 

 

This time, Seijuurou has to forcibly haul Rin out of the pool, ignoring the punches that the smaller male lands on his body as he fights back, twisting in his grasp and literally snapping at the arm closest to his mouth. He’s wild, unbelievable, and Makoto expects Haruka to be terrified of this, to be absolutely petrified at Rin’s senseless display of fury.

 

 

He knows that he shouldn’t be surprised when he finds that he really isn’t, that he’s only concerned, slender eyebrows drawn together in worry and his blue eyes glittering with pain.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seijuurou tells him on his own sometime later when they’re sitting alone in his office, Makoto taking the chair, the other captain perching nervously on the edge of his desk, unable to look the brunet in the eye.

 

 

He puts it a lot simpler than Nitori did.

 

 

When he’s done, he can’t even lift his head for shame – but how was he to know the truth of Rin’s original affections until it was too late? – and Makoto really doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He can’t even bring himself to imagine the thought; that Haruka, much like Rin, may have once had feelings for the very person who was now pining for him.

 

 

He prays to any god listening that that is not the case.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It doesn’t bother him as much until Rei hangs around after practice one day to talk to him. The butterfly swimmer always gets nervous when he’s preparing to inquire about personal matters, and Makoto has figured all of his little mannerisms out by now, so when Rei approaches him without making eye contact, Makoto can already anticipate the nature of the question. Regardless, that doesn’t prepare him for the specificity of it.

 

 

_“Do you like Haruka-senpai?”_

 

 

It’s a blow under the belt, not that Rei knows that, but Makoto just smiles and tilts his head in that way that he does.

 

 

_“Of course I do! He’s my best friend, after all.”_

 

 

Characteristic of his nature, Rei doesn’t press the issue, but it doesn’t matter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Makoto has gotten very good about making sure that the dull ache in his chest doesn’t show on his face, not even when it intensifies. He has learned to suppress every pain at the sight of Haruka’s sparkling eyes when he sees Rin, has determined the exact amount of emotional oppression required to keep himself from revealing every little thing that he’s kept hidden; Seijuurou, on the other hand, has not. He flinches every time Rin calls Haruka’s name, looks away when they crowd too closely, silently clenches his fingers into fists and grins and always, _always_ bears. He laughs and encourages, stands close but only so, does his best to just pretend and not let anyone see until he’s got his back against the wall and his face in hands.

 

 

In a way, he’s stronger than Makoto, who flees and sidesteps and swallows hard. Seijuurou turns to glare at the hairline fractures running down his heart (that the other ignores) and pushes forward, endlessly resigned and endlessly determined. He’s not going to wait for things to turn his way, not going to pretend like it doesn’t exist or that it isn’t real or that somehow things will just come together.

 

 

No, Seijuurou is not Makoto; he’ll get past this someday, he’ll put one foot in front of the other and just keep walking with his head held high and the fading memories of wounded hearts and fragile feelings lingering – but ultimately losing their power – in his mind. He’ll start anew even while Makoto remains, unable to pass along because the one thing that’s always kept him tethered is the one thing that’s suddenly been replaced by a heavy emptiness. He could be happy, really. One day they’ll get there, in some ways more than others.

 

 

_“We’ve got time. This isn’t our forever...besides, who’s to say that things won’t change? You’ve got to...hang onto something. Sometimes...sometimes it helps.”_

 

 

Sometimes it does help; most times it doesn’t.

 

 

Not yet.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_And so it goes, and so it goes..._

 

_And you’re the only one who knows._


End file.
